Emotional Vampire

New House

2009-12-08T22:27:00.001-03:00

Ok, so I moved from here. My new blog is:

phaedos.wordpress.com

:***

20 years

2009-11-27T00:22:00.001-03:00

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mis Amigas

2009-10-04T16:39:00.003-04:00

Creo que esto es algo que siempre he querido hacer. La lista de las amigas!
Las que tengo… y las que espero algún día tener.

Ayer en el Parque Arauco las veía. Equipos de 8 más o menos, con las mejores ropas, los celulares más nuevos y la copia de la tarjeta de débito del papá. El nombre de pila de todas es obviamente María, y claro, todas salidas del Compañía de María de Apoquindo, las monjas inglesas o las francesas. No más de 15, un sábado de relajación, un café por la tarde con la chicas a ver si nos encontramos a los del 8ºB del Verbo Divino. Luego, una mamá cuarentona con un jeep más grande que mi casa las va a buscar a todas juntas para celebrar uno que otro cumpleaños…

La Cata
La Maca
La Caro
La Clau
La Cony
La Javy
La Pili
La Trini
La Moni
La Dani
La Isi
La Cote
La Coté
La Jose (not the same)
La José
La Jo (even more different)
La Manu
La Agu
La Lili
La Maite
La Maida
La Caty
La Katy
La Barbi
La Pía
La Paz
La Lú
La Arantxa
La Coti
La Pao
La Pau
La Mimí
La Titi
La Ale
La Gaby
La Romi
La Lisa
La Nacha
La Kika
La Angie
La Chofi
La Tania
La Tami
La Ani
La Ade
La Vero
La Pame
La Eli
La Vale
La Ari
La Carli
La Feña
La Kari
La Nico
La Cate
La Andy
La Ceci
La Cri
La Emi
La Estefi
La Fefi
La Fefa (All different)
La Fran
La Pancha
La Yoya
La Jenni
La Isa
La Lore
La Marce
La Maru
La Mari
La Maya
La Sami
La Sole
La Vivi
La Viole
La Viky
La Bea
La Pata
La Patty

Se reciben sugerencias…

2009-10-03T13:55:00.002-04:00

And it doesn't matter how hard I try - It doesn't seems it's gonna happen. Not happen nor success.
Whatever. Really.-

Ago

2009-08-18T21:04:00.002-04:00

A year ago today I jumped away from whatever I knew about life.

A year ago today I flew thru an endless sky.

A year ago today I faced my dreams, my wishes, my fears and my fate.

A year ago today I learnt what love means.

A year ago today I turned into an isolated person.
A year ago today I left for home.

A year ago today I meant.
A year ago today I had NO idea what my life would become.

A year ago today I had NO idea what a dream come true was.
A year ago today, my life ended.

A year ago today I had to left behind what I loved the most.

A year ago today I left this city.

A year ago today was the last chance.

A year ago today I saw the most important person in my life for a last time.

A year ago today I thought I believed.

A year ago today I had a wish I never got and never will.

A year ago today...

A year ago today I felt.
A year ago today I cried.

A year ago today I embraced.
A year ago today my life changed incredibly and irreversibly.

A year ago today I left.-

2009-08-04T20:13:00.000-04:00

Sigues teniendo la misma pinta
pero no me miras al pasar...

=)

Pathetic

2009-07-12T04:14:00.002-04:00

Pathetic I am when I look for a sparkle of your sight among my notes.
Pathetic I am when I look for a little bit of truth among your words.

Pathetic I am when I chose your songs among a million songs.

Pathetic I am when I still can find you somewhere in my heart among all the people within.

Pathetic I am when I still can find feelings in the rotten.

Pathetic I am when I regret of everything I've done.

Pathetic I am when I spill useless tears.

Pathetic I am when I still believe.

Pathetic I am when I still remember just the good things.

Pathetic I am when I still remember...

Pathetic I am when I sit on the same bench.
Pathetic I am when read the same old papers.

Pathetic I am when I feel to much.

Pathetic I am when I am still me thinking you are still you.

Pathetic I am when I am still me anyway.

[...]

2009-07-11T06:06:00.004-04:00

Yes we both love meeting for coffee. And yes, we pretend we're into art galleries cuz makes us feel clever.

And yes I love you... and I am so freaking glad I (still) have you in my life.

I gotta confess I love walking home from downtown and visiting everytime that old and sketched place - I still say hi and feel kind'a patheticly proud I know the girl on the wall. And I love her. And she's my favourite fag hag.

(I have seriously done it several times)

You are the 3º in the list of leaving people. And even tho you say your coming back... Kinda wanna think you're not. Will miss you =)

Will still love you as much as I do now.

Sorry I stole the picture, but I'm at work and don't have the one picture I took myself.

p.s: Apart from me, you're the only other person I know who reads the travel section ;D

Where there is light···

2009-06-23T21:04:00.003-04:00

I've been listening to the album A LOT. I bet my iPod is tired of playing it but it is SO good and makes me feel so many things <3

And... I don't wanna sound like a whiner or a crybaby but I hate it when it seems that ill luck comes around and stays at my side. I hate it... a lot. And it bumms me. And I wish things didn't happen. And I wish I wasn't this sensitive. And I end up wishing I was different so I don't get let down. Sometimes, I think I believe too much. I put too much of myself in people who should be nothing to me. Maybe I am too good. Maybe I suck a lot - Either one, I don't think I'll stop believing. That is SO not me...

One should strive to achieve; not sit in bitter regret
=)

:(

2009-06-15T07:46:00.002-04:00

I'm homesick. I miss Orlando. SO fraking much. I miss my friends. I miss my life. It was so perfect. I didn't need anything else to be happy. Because I was happy. Completely happy. Like never before. Thanks for responding my text. Thank you. Thank you.

Rain falls hard
Burns dry
A dream
Or a song
That hits you so hard
Filling you up
And suddenly gone

Breath Feel Love
Give Free
Know in you soul
Like your blood knows the way
From you heart to your brain
Know that you're whole

And you're shining
Like the brightest star
A transmission
On the midnight radio
And you're spinning
Like a 45
Ballerina
Dancing to your rock and roll

Here's to Patti
And Tina
And Yoko
Aretha
And Nona
And Nico
And me

And all the strange rock and rollers
You know you're doing all right
So hold on to each other
You gotta hold on tonight

And you're shining
Like the brightest stars
A transmission
On the midnight radio

And you're spinning
Your new 45's
All the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you're rock and rollers
Spinning to your rock and roll

Lift up your hands

The road not taken

2009-06-12T14:24:00.003-04:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[...]

2009-06-10T02:08:00.003-04:00

"Important words are mumbled,
and clouds block your view of what's ahead"

It is so freaking true. Important words are always mumbled. And I hate it.

I remember me, like a while ago, telling myself I needed new friends. Why? Cuz every now and then you need new sparkles in your life. And thankfully, I got them. I've had the chance to meet Wonderful new people.

And like everybody else, these people are sowing great things in me.

I wish. I wish a lot. I have a lot of wishes. Like stop mumbleing.

Why is it so hard to lie?

Whatever. I've cried. I cried a lot. But it's healthy.

And at the very end of the day, it is always nice to hear from an old friend and his warm wishes.

Happy new year, Diego. There you are, starting something that once upon a time was nothing.

Living something you never thought you were gonna live... and missing something than you never noticed you had lost.

Crying is ok. My tears dry on their own. Tomorrow... tomorrow will be a different story.

=)

2009-06-06T04:46:00.002-04:00

Maybe I am too stupid. I have been seriously thinking about my IQ. It doesn't seem I am actually thinking well. But it is impossible for me to visualize how much can people change. Not even me. I guess, I notice it because I know myself better than anything and anyone in this world. But is it my fault? Is it my way to do certain things that made the rest of the world to act that stupidly? And prolly I am kind of overreacting but I really can't see why do people do certain things. And even tho I LOVE philosophy I am not into discover people's brain's secrets. Nevertheless, I don't get if it's me or what. We all lie, we all love, we all dislike, we all dream, for God's sake! but why... why does people has to look at the rest of the world like puppets. And I hate to say this, but I don't consider myself a bad person, a stupid person (as in UNsmart), an evil person, an ugly person.... not that I am wonderful, I know I'm not, but there are several things I really consider I don't deserve. And there's another controvesial point. I do believe we all get what we deserve. Good or bad things are both included in our list of things we HAVE to learn in life. But, once again, what the fuck?

Thankfully, I don't hate. And I try to harvest good feeling in me, because I do believe in karma. but I think, sometimes, I wish I could play with the world - and with people - like people themselves do. I wish I wouldn't care. I wish I was that 'cold'. I wish I was able to forget what I felt yesterday. I wish I was able to forget those important people that were someday in my heart. I wish I could erase.

This is pointless. I just can't do it. Or more specific, I just can't get it.

It's done. I give up on this. I let down.

I wish I wan't honest, so I could lie and then just forget what I promised. but well, in that moment I'd stop being me.

What I wonder is, what does that matter?

Now... nothing. Nothing at all.-

[...]

2009-05-20T23:14:00.002-04:00

הולך אני כעת במשעול ההווה

כילד ההולך לו לאיבוד

כפות ידי הן מושטות

מבקשות את העזרה להמשיך איתך את המסע

ובצדדים הפרחים כאילו איבדו את זהותם

מחפשים עוד קרן אור שתעזור

עוד לגימה קטנה של מים ממעייני החוכמה

תביא להם את התקווה

ארים ראשי, אשא עיני אל ההרים במרחקים

וקולי ישמע כזעקה, כתפילת האדם

וליבי יקרא מאין יבוא עזרי

עובר אני כעת בין נופים חדשים

הצעדים הם נעשים כה איטיים

מה יש שם שאין פה שאל אותי עובר

מה בלב אתה שומר

קשיש העיר כשעל גבו מונח כל עברו

מביט סביב ומחפש את עולמו

כשהווה כל כך קשה

לא אומר דבר, ארים ראשי אל המחר

ארים ראשי, אשא עיני אל ההרים במרחקים

וקולי ישמע כזעקה, כתפילת האדם

וליבי יקרא מאין יבוא עזרי

2009-05-07T00:26:00.003-04:00

And you never vanish. You never seem to lose your scence. Your gaze. You never seem go away. Or at least you keep coming back to tell me these things. And You've been in my dreams since forever. And in days like today, when I get shocked because of smelling your smell. I was there. Standing. Paralyzed. And thousands of thoughts came to my mind like blades. And you were there, once again. Like eveyday of my life. And I can't lie. Not to you. Not to you.

I wish I could stop time. Just not to see what I see. Just not to feel what I feel. Just not to look at you without you to notice I am still in the same place you left me.

I don't wanna play a stupid game. Not with you - I told you. I wish I could tell you in the face. Now. But I hesitate everytime I think of it. Don't think I wanna know what would happen. I'm still afraid. And even more when everyone disagrees with the idea. EVERYONE!

I wish I could tell you this in the face. As I see you while you run. As you ignore me while I stare.

And yes, this is for you.-

What I('ve) learnt from you

2009-04-08T22:31:00.004-04:00

I('ve) learnt how to talk under the sheets

I('ve) learnt to kill the lights

I('ve) learnt to be envied

I('ve) learnt to be the reason of the envy

I('ve) learnt to walk by two

"Baila mi corazón, baila mi corazón, baila para los dos, esto es amor. Baila mi corazón, baila para los dos, sé que es amor..."

I('ve) learnt to hear your voice under the water

I('ve) learnt to be honest

I('ve) learnt to shorten my words

I('ve) learnt to taste

I('ve) learnt to look deep inside and don't get blind with your eyes

I('ve) learnt to be hungry in your foodless house

"applying moisturizer in the microwave window
for the tenth time, he shouldve called me an hour ago
would he be here with flowers if i lived in arizona?

they say theres no love left in the big cities, its kinda true
i guess youll find me coming soon to a small town near you
ill sell my guitar so i can by myself a tractor"

I('ve) learnt to use sunglasses

I('ve) learnt to enjoy (your) jealousy

I('ve) learnt to be a celebrity

I('ve) learnt to call it esp

I('ve) learnt to believe

I('ve) learnt to talk to God

"Guess its just a silly song about you
And how i lost you
And your brown eyes"

I('ve) learnt to drink either water or Diet Coke

I('ve) learnt to love you mother

I('ve) learnt to dry my face every 5 seconds

I('ve) learnt not to be a bumm

I('ve) learnt to kiss you on the bus

Hide and seek. Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)  Blood and tears, (Hearts) They were here first.

I('ve) learnt to have you sleeping on my shoulder

I('ve) learnt to go on the ride 30 times and feel it like the first one

I('ve) learnt not to smoke so can taste you better

I('ve) learnt catch you everywhere

I('ve) learnt to deal living apart

"do we hold the future, or does it come in peace?
and if its in my hands, are you sure it should be in brittle hands like these?
life, love, and the pursuit of all the things they promised me
can i have all of the above? are the best things in life truly free?"

I('ve) learnt to sneak into your place

I('ve) learnt to ba a badass

I('ve) learnt to catch you around the corner, behind the door

I('ve) learnt to get your blown kisses

I('ve) learnt to love more than ever

"As the world turns and as time burns girl you know I'm gonna be there
My love is ever blazin, ever blazin girl and you know it naw go change
As the world turns and as time burns girl you know I'm gonna be there
My love is ever blazin, ever blazin girl and you know it never fades away"

I('ve) learnt to take longer showers

I('ve) learnt to look at you in the face without doing it

I('ve) learnt to bare your everlasting gaze

I('ve) learnt to have you

I('ve) learnt to have you not

"And part of me still believes

When you say you’re gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out"

I haven't learnt not to have you anymore...

_____________________________________________

And there you are. Looking at me from the edge of my desk. Looking at me. And everytime I open my wallet. When I do it not for the reason we were used to, right? And because everytime I open my eyes. And everytime I shut them. And everytime I go around. And everytime I talk to God. And I know I am lame. I know I sound stupid. And I know this is pointless- But I need it. I do need to rub it in to myself. I haven't learnt to miss you. I haven't learnt how to live without you. I haven't learnt how to be cold.

I know I am pathetic, but this is what I feel.

[...]

2009-04-04T01:18:00.002-04:00

All alone tonight, I'm calling out your name

Somewhere deep inside this part of you remains

Images of love take me back in time

I don't know how it started or why it ever had to end

But something stepped inside we didn't let it in

It's keeping us apart, where are you now

CHORUS:

Where are you now? Is someone there tonight

Holding what was mine?

Where are you now? Do you wonder where I am,

Are you really feelin' fine?

Goin' through my life without you by my side

You're the only thing that keeps goin' through my mind

And nothin' that I do can take the place of you

CHORUS

Oooh, thinkin' about you

There's gotta be a place for me

Somewhere in your heart

All alone tonight, I'm calling out your name

Somewhere deep inside this part of you remains

Images of love, where are you now?

CHORUS

Where are you now? Is someone there tonight

Holding what was mine?

Where are you now? Do you wonder where I am,

I need you here tonight

I never post songs here, cuz I've got my own place to write songs lyrics. Y'all know, like my life soundtrack. But there are MANY songs being played in my head lately. And there're so many things I do not understand... There're so many things my heart can not get...

There are so many things I'll never be able to see... Never again.-

Water drops would be tears if water was salty.

2009-03-30T18:19:00.003-04:00

I've lived in this city almost my entire life. And almost because I lived in other 3 cities before. And I'm pretty much a city boy. I actually live downtown. I'm used to the stressful rhythm. To the crowdy underground system. To the tall building decorating the sky with glass. But, paradoxically, I've been to this place no more than 5 times in my life. And every single time I've been there, it has written a memory in my heart. I actually love it. It is wonderful. I remember one day, this one person I had just met asked me what was the most beautiful place I ever been to. I couldn't give him an answer. I could not pick a place up. Nevertheless, amongst Europe, Argentina, or the US I thought of this fountain. I love it. I love water. I love the wind bringing fresh drops of water to my face.

I was there a couple of days ago. I never was there by myself. It brought me things with those drops.

I've always wanted to be there at night. I've seen it from the bus a couple of times when the fountain is all lighted up. I've never lived it.

And I can't understand why I couldn't understand these things before. I am so stupid. I am so stupid. And I can't stop looking at the picture in my desk. I can't. I just can't. I hate feeling down cuz I feel weak. Prolly I am. Prolly I am more stupid than what I think. And I listen to the same sounds I listen to everytime I realize how stupid I am. Fuck this, this can't be my life. (It is u.u)

What makes you shine?

2009-03-02T04:35:00.005-03:00

I lie in a bed, post, drug, sex.

And there I was. Standing. Looking at the sky. That strange mix between red and purple that was dyeing the night. I could tell it was at night though. I could, because I was there. Standing. Looking at the sky. Thinking the same thought I think every single night of my life. Every night that seems to be the same night. And I can clearly remind that night. I can see every night of my life, your silhouette walking away from me. I can see me standing in the middle of the road. Following your figure from the distance, smoking, seeing you leaving. Walking at 2 am. Leaving... like fleeing from me. From my house, from the sheets I left on my bed. From the door I shut for a last time for you. And for me. Every night I remember your fear of walkin' thru security. I remember the last time I held you in my arms. The last time I looked at you in the face. Every night of my life I remember the last words I said. What you said...

I randomly remember that night sitting down nearby the pool.

Every night I look at the moon. And I remember what I did after you left. Walking. I stopped at Lynda's. Just to stare at the empty house. Then I stopped once again to make some promises. To cry a little more. To keep asking the sky why?

I never meant to leave. I never meant to leave you. And every night I stand in front of the stars and wonder why did I do it. Like last night. There I was. Standing. Looking at the sky. Looking at the infinite city in front of me. An everlasting show of midnight lights. I couldn't tell where did the lights end. I looked at the city and wondered, once again. I looked at the moon again. On mute, as usual. With the last smoke of my cigarette going out of my mouth. And I couldn't answer my questions. I never can. Do they have answers? Does someone have them? Do you? Do I?

I can see every night, just like tonight, the scene of me walking all alone all the way down the street. Taking a cab. Going somewhere else. Somewhere else I don't belong to. Leaving a place I don't belong to either. Once I heard that is hard to be somwhere else when you realise you belong to a place. And it's true... I can feel it every night, when I remind your hand holding mine like anything else on earth matters. Anything else but love.

The city lights up every night. And evey morning it dies and take the lights away. And every time the night dies, I am a little closer to the day I see your eyes again.

2009-02-23T00:11:00.000-03:00

The sun keeps shining, wheels keep spinning, it all just keeps chugging along.

[...]

2009-02-21T04:05:00.001-03:00

/ 'ɔ:fɪəs wəz ðə 'greɪtest 'pəʊət hʊ evə lɪvd | hɪz 'mju:zɪk wəz səʊ 'bju:tɪfl ðət wen he pleɪd 'rɪvəz wʊd stɒp fləʊɪŋ | wɪndz wʊd stɒp bləʊɪŋ | ənd ðə skaɪz wʊd 'əʊpən ʌp | səʊ hɪz 'wandrəs 'melədɪz kʊd bɪ hɜ:d baɪ ðə gɒdz ɪn 'hevn /

/ wʌn deɪ | hɪz waɪf jʊə'rɪdɪsɪ wəz 'bɪten tə deɵ baɪ vaɪpɜ:z | ˌəʊvə'kʌm wɪɵ gri:f | 'ɔ:fɪəs pleɪd 'hɑ:tˌbreɪkɪŋ sɒŋz wɪð hɪz laɪə | ðə gɒdz wɜ: mu:vd ən səʊ əd'vaɪzd 'ɔ:fɪəs tə 'trævl tə ðə lænd ðə ded ən sɪŋ hɪz sɒŋz tə 'heɪdi:z tə 'bɑ:gɪn fɔ: hɪz waɪf /

/ səʊ ɪt wəz ðət 'heɪdi:z hɑ:t wəz sɒfnd ən ə'laʊd jʊə'rɪdɪsɪ tə li:v wɪð wʌn kəndɪʃn | ðət 'ɔ:fɪəs wʊd wɔ:k ɪn frɒnt | ən nevə lu:k bæk /

Letter for Anthony

2009-02-18T01:16:00.006-03:00

Orpheus was the greatest poet who ever lived. His music was so beautiful

that when he played rivers would stop flowing, winds would stop blowing

and the skies would open up, so his wondrous melodies could be heard by the gods in heaven.

One day, his wife Eurydice was bitten to death by vipers. Overcome with grief,

Orpheus played heartbreaking songs with his lyre. The gods were moved and so advised

Orpheus to travel to the land of the dead and sing his songs to Hades to bargain for his wife.

So it was that Hades' heart was softened and allowed Eurydice to leave on one condition, that Orpheus would walk in front, and never look back...

Dear:

I do must confess, I'm sad. You make me feel sad. Because of yourself. Actually, I'm not sad of sadness. I feel sorry for you... compassion if you want. I really think your human being is pathetic. Wallowed in something you don't even know. Have you ever spoken to yourself, my dear? Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and actually seen what is in there? You are so smart. Wise. But wisdom doesn't turn rats into something better. Rats are smart enough. But rats are very different from sheep or fish. People doesn't deal with rats.

You do not feel love, gratitude, pain nor fear. Is there something you really feel? Do you ever cry? Guess what? I know you don't. And I could spend the entire night asking you things. And I know their answers. The good, and quite hilarious, thing is you know them as well and you don't care. You don't give a piece of shit. Oh my dear, how many problems do you have? Have you ever counted them? Because I am pretty sure you know them all. Perfectly. Because I assume you have to know your problems to not want to fix them, right?

Wow, there are certainly a lot of things I unknow. Nevertheless, I think they might be quite easy to find out. Your person just seems complex. But you are not a vortex precisely. I wish I could have taken revenge. But that's so not me. I'm not bad or good. Or maybe I am both but I'm dumb enough to not do it. How incredibly stupid I am writing to a fictional being who matches perfectly to somebody else? Huh... incredibly... I know.

Then, I realise there's something else with the revenge. Did you really deserve it? I do not know. As I said, there are a lot of things I unknow, but I have to accept I enjoyed seeing you doomed as I did. Even though the love you didn't use to carry in your heart was gone. And you had to start again. All over again. Then I started feeling sorry. I really don't want to jugde whether you deserve all you got or not. But now, I see, even though you'd lost everything that was in your mind you shortly became into the same comtemptible person you were before. And despite you had the chance, once again, you did not want it.

Rats live in the dark because they want to, Anthony. They fill their lives with darkness only. They hide from everything. They need darkness to hide. They come out just when they need something. Like food. They can just find food. They can never find love. Love is in the air. They stay right where they are because they want to. The sunlight is free for everyone. They just don't want to come out. Perhaps they are scared, you tell me. And I'm pretty sure you cannot find love down there in the sewer, in the dark. Sluts wouldn't work at night, don't you think? Rats seem to be locked in the sewer, metaphorically, of course. You can always sneak thru the drains. But since they seem to be locked (or they clearly believe so) they are not free. Like when you lie to your silly dog making him believe he's tied up to a chain, because you don't want him to move. He is not free (or again, he does believe he is not). Rats are not free. They will never find love. They will never fly. Never... Ever.

Jack.-

2009-02-16T19:27:00.002-03:00

- What is problem?

- Huh, you wouldn't understand. I mean you can't even speak English.

(nods) - No problem - (looks into the larder) - Mmm... VODKA!

(serves) - Now... you tell me problem. We drink and problem kaput! Da?

Dastrobya!

THE BEST DIALOGUE IVE HEARD EVER!

This could be the start of something...

2009-02-14T16:14:00.002-03:00

... once upon a time was nothing.

8000. there are 8000 miles (or so) from Santiago to Stockholm. You win, babe. 3000 is quite enough to win. And I love the idea that, once again, we're being strangely connected. Even tho we both were at the other side of the world (and yeah, you were at the other side of the ocean as well) we were still connected as always. And it might be funny, ironic, dumb or incredibly stupid but I just love the fact you are my sister. And I am so glad we are friends and I think everytime I get to see you I fall in love with you a lil' more. And sadly, I know what your feeling now. I do... and I'm feeling it as well. Not as strong but I am. And, please, don't think I'm not being supportive. It is the truth. And there's nothing we can do. It takes your breath away everytime you think you're stuck somewhere you don't wanna be. When you discover where u belong to, it's hard to be somewhere else. Hometown or now... I know you do not want it. And, once again... again, we're into the same bussiness. And it makes me sad to feel youre sad. And I sure you are. And you will be... til the next time. Thankfully, your next time will be sooner than mine. well, hopefully. I'm so proud of you. Of having you as my siter. It makes me feel good when I see you successing. Getting what you want from life. Fixing it... plannin it...

And I told you. It os gonna be easier for you. even tho theres an ocean in between. One day, someone taught me that distance is nothing, sometimes. But he didn't tell me what times. I think it's up to us most fo that times. It gets even worse when you have time plus distance. at least for me, it's a big pain in the butt. It is frustrating. But not impossible. Oh my dear, we had fun... now it's time to cry. But crying is not something bad. It's better to be able to count on the tears afterwards. I suposse we now know what fate has for us. Was it a glance? Maybe. I know it is in us. And I'm glad it is. And I missed you since the day I left you at the airport. I am gonna miss you... But I just can't wait for you to soar (including all the benefits it's gonna have for me lol). (and I know your daddy is so proud of you too, rite?) but in the meanwhile, to gather strenght will be your life. Our lives. And I now hate the fact you live in another fucking city 250 miles away from Santiago... I don't wanna do the math about living in different countries. But anyway. Those are our lives. Those were these times. Those are gonna be... soon...

And in this transition time, the best we could do is to get our hearts together.

I love you. And I feel lame telling you to be strong when its already hard and almost impossible to do... but you're the smart one, you gotta be strong. And I know you will.

Jag kommer alltid att älska dig... alltid <3

An endless love song

2009-02-11T00:17:00.007-03:00

Let's suppose our lives are a musical. That everysingle step we take, there is a song being played in background. Like... there's no moment that hasn't been written before. Every single moment we live has a song; a particular song being played in that specific second. It could be nice. And, as a matter of fact, I've felt it. I cannot just go out without music. With or without a sort of music player there is always a song being played in my head. Sometimes, I think I am in a music video, just because that song being played in that moment is making my day. I always sing. On the underground, on the bus, down the street, at home... everywhere, always. Nevertheless, lately, there are not many songs in my life playlist. I've always thought you always need a silly love song every once in a while. Those times we really like it. And it doesn't matter if you cry, or it gives you chills, or if it is just perfect. There is always a silly love song around. But now... now it's different. Now there's always one of these songs being whispered in my ear. As there was nothing else in this world that this strange feeling I've got locked in my heart. Something that just a love song releases it. But I don't get to understand. What are these love songs inquiring? What is this note I have attached to my heart mean? What should I do? What am I able to do about this? And then they come like blades. Words filling my head like knives drowing an everlasting speech. Stifling me. Soffocating me. Choking me with questions and answers and thoughts and sounds and feelings... and feelings I've never felt before. Or maybe I have and I don't know I have. Or I have felt them in some different way. How could I find this out? And then I start refusing the idea of thinking but I can't and it comes and goes and comes and goes and stops and vanishes like everything vanishes in this world, and it comes again like an endless song. Longer than any song you've ever hear before. Taking me higher than the highest I've ever been and then it throws me down. Hard... hard into the asphalt. But the song is still there. All attached. Played in a loop. All over again... as music would be trying to tell me something. Anyways, the hot and dry summer doesn't let me think very well. I don't speak that much... everything I pronounce, every once in a while, are the lyrics I learnt by heart someday in the past...

2009-02-08T15:46:00.002-03:00

I suddenly need to close my eyes. I do need to. I need to turn my life off for a second. But I can't. It is impossible. And it is getting unbearable... anyway, I still believe and wish... I still wish. And I am pretty sure I am gonna get everything I pray for.

Pledged your faith

my heart embraced

struggle to renew

Blurry mind

so hypnotized

fast enough who

Wonder where you are

Tristessa

Soul takes soul

as I take eye

I will wait for you

What you believe

you'll wish to receive

I won't believe in you

Hang on to your life

Tristessa

I love you true

Surely I do

I love you true

Surely I do

Surely I do (no)

Do you ever wake up and find yourself alone?

Do you ever wake up far from home?

What you believe

you'll wish to receive

I won't believe in you

Tristessa

Even though my head is filled with music, there is no sound to get my heart cozy. I just need a hug. A special one... A hug I know I am not gonna get now... but I'll wait for it. I don't care if I die in the meanwhile.

Mute

2009-02-01T00:05:00.003-03:00

The one good thing about being on mute the whole day is that I can write. Not better, but I suppose it is the one way to puke everything out, isn't it? I am thankful I met Sean that day in the past. I'm glad I learned ASL. The little bit I learnt. I've always been in between sounds and silence. I don't know, how vane are words some times. I'd love to be active now, and just go chillin around but no. It seems my soul has get used to be on mute, lately. And it's like the sun is just outside, shining just because. I haven't said hello. Its warmness kills me everytime I face it. And not just ransom notes keep falling off my mouth. There is no randomness anymore. The air is just filled with music. With sounds bouncing in my mind. Making it roam, once again.

And there it goes the sun, and the night, and the moon smiling like every day of my life. Taking me to somewhere else. Somewhere at the other world. Somewhere dry. Somewhere where nights are always shiny and where the sun doesn't burn. Somewhere where it's always spring and autumn. Sadly, that just happens when my eyes are wide shut. In that moment I can soar in peace. Like everyone, isn't it? And there's no mathematical equation, no biological experiment, no synonim in no thesaurus ever. No spoken word. No song ever written... No performance ever performed. No rose ever bloomed in no field. It is like an everlasting feeling never felt before.

There is no world outside, is it? I don't believe so. We would have seen it before, don't you think? But prolly, we could find something else than that old notebook we found yesterday. We can play hide and seek today. It's not raining, and the tree we planted is already grown up. I watered it a lot. And it is getting bored because we don't play outside anymore. I know there are a lot of things missing in the yard, but it is still there... and we are still here. I think we can open the window. It's not noisy anymore. I never thought the noise was that annoying though. I liked to read books. I really used to. til everything else vanished. Was it the weather? I don't think so. I wish there was somebody outside to ask. I think we can find someone though. If you just would stand up. I don't understand your fear... because you are afraid of something, aren't you? I know you better than you think.

I saw a movie. And I don't see many movies. Not because I don't like to. It's just I need to be in certain mood. I love them... and I don't like to replace boredom for movies. Thing is there was this kid stuck in some other kid's house. And the grandpa, thinking this kid was his actual grandchild, said: I push you hard because I love you. So, when the kid finally met his stressful mother he said: Mom, I know you push me hard because you love me. And it's not like I feel that my mom pushes me hard. Or that I do not know she loves me... but I felt something within my heart. Something strange, but just like the silly love songs I've been listening to, it took my breath away and gave me chills for a moment. Even though the movie is over, those songs are being tuned in a loop all over again. Something bad I think... but that's the way it is.

I gladly would go right now, in a walk thru the lights this city is surrounded by. But it's too noisy. It's meaningless. Just like everything I am writing. Senseless, right? But everything else dissapeared. Words vanished from my books. And I don't need to use fancy pompous hi-sounding words. And I don't need someone to read this. In fact, I won't read it again, as usual.

But what are we gonna do outside? It might be quite, but the noise will come anyway. It is always noisy. That's why the notebook had that lock, remember? You shouldn't have broke that. We don't have locks here. What if we find another notebook... or even worse, a book? I'm tired of erasing words from them. And obviously you won't do it. You are just thinking in your tree. Did you know that all of those books were made from trees like yours? We should fire it. There are no many trees left out there. They vanished as well. I wish we vanish as well. Just like clouds in the sky. I wish we were water. We wouldn't stink. We wouldn't have a nasty flavor. We wouldn't have a colour to be distinguished. The worst think that could happen is that we could evaporate because of the heat... and I'd love that. I could finally meet the stars.

Nevertheless, this boring mingle of meaningless words mean something to me. And there is no fairy tale that could heal my wounds. I kind of enjoy having them. Not because I like the pain, but they are like part of my memories. I just keep salt away. And I don't have a magic carpet anymore. I didn't lose it. I just cannot use it. It's mad at me...

I don't want you to keep erasing words. I don't think we are gonna find another book outside. We gathered them all. And, in fact, I want to read that notebook. That's why I broke the lock. You can try to fix it if you want to. But I really think is does say something else that noise. I don't know... I want to believe. But I want to go out first. I don't want to vanish. Do you remember that roas we found? I think it could take us to somewhere. I don't know... what else could happen if there is nothing outside? We will have to build it again. I will not stay in this place. I'll wait for you by the tree. It needs to be watered.

I still think life is a soundtrack. I will always think so. It is like an endless musical. the part just get re arranged evertime we go around the corner. And it will never shuts up... even though our mouth is on mute because the sky looks different from where we are. It's up to us not to let it/us go...

2009-01-24T21:41:00.001-03:00

Ingonyama nengw' enamabala···

♥

[...]

2009-01-20T21:02:00.003-03:00

I've been home for a week. And I've been a while looking at the screen trying to find out how home I feel. And that home feeling is not there. I feel so awkward. So uncomfy. And it is not that I haven't realised that I'm here. Have been 7 days of an awful feeling of: Fuck, I'm here. But I felt like a stranger those first days. Didn't remember a lot of things about this city. About its people. And I cannot lie... it was awful. They've been 7 days of a mute grief. And the worse part of this is that I assume that I'm back. I know it... and I always knew it since I took that plane in La Guardia. But the deal is about how changed is my life now. And yes, my life changed. It changed because I could change it. The bad thing about feeling like an outsider is because I got used to a lot of things. A lot of things about my new life. That life I could build by myself. The life I always dreamt about. And prolly that's the thing. My dreams. The dreams I got fulfilled. Those dreams that weren't dreams anymore; they were now dreams come true. And the rhythm, and the sounds, and the colours, and the landscapes, and the sights, and the looks, and the hugs, and the kisses, and the money, and all of those things I did, and all of those things I could start doing, and everything I got... every single part of my life - that life made by myself, mine - was suddenly part of nothing. It seemed I forgot it at the aeroport.

And now I clearly understand what does everything I feel mean. I was so used to not to miss people. I never got attached too much. The last time I missed someone was a lot ago... until now. Why are this people different? Why...? I've always thought that you get involved with the less-worse people you've got close by. Your old friends from primary were your friends because I wasn't gonna go to the next school to find your friends. And prolly you opened your range of people in hi school... even more possible in college... but why, I still wonder. Why this people are so special to me? Why whether they are completely normal. Regular people living around. Talking, walking, working, laughing, drinking... loving. And then I saw. i saw how OUT of my frames where these people. And perhaps it's just a matter of randomness. As random as now Scenes of an Italian Restaurant fills the room with priceless memories of a car in the road...

Anyway, thing is that all these people were mingling their lives. And that's the unbearable thing about randomness. I couldn't choose. I couldn't choose amongst everyone. These wonderful people crushed into my life as if we were meant to crush. These people I miss because they were part of my previously mentioned life. I haven't been able to stop thinking about everything we did together. Every step we took. Every land we visited. Every night we saw the stars drawing hearts in the sky.

But what does this mean then? Should I forget them? Should I forget that I was able to fulfill my dreams? What then...?

I've been a week in this place that used to be home. It's hot. It's dirty. It's trashy. It's kind of fun when at night you spin records. And it gets lovely, when I touch these people again.

I really wanna go out and enjoy this. But I didn't wanna get the life I used to live back. Because I didn't wanna take care of it. Why would I do it if I already had the one I truly wanted to live? Well, I suppose this is part of the track. Part of the path. I just hope no one touches what is mine. What I'm pretty sure about is that no one will touch what I feel nor what I want. What I have... everything I'll keep forever.

The one thing I have left is to let my conscience be my guide...

This was the first week. I have a lot of them in front of me. I have a lot of things to do now... but I will never let my memories go. Not til I can touch them again...

2008-11-09T15:12:00.000-03:00

I once fell in love with you just because the sky turned from gray into blue...

come what may

2008-11-06T12:56:00.002-03:00

Yeah, come what may today is the day. Today is that day. the day I remind. That I remind everything come what may. Seasons change. its almost winter. Its cold. It is SO FREAKING cold... and I still remind. Like a flashback. As if today were today. As if my days were still shiny like spring. If only today were today. If only... If only...

2008-10-30T03:06:00.002-03:00

no no no... it's even worse than that. It's like you don't actually know what's going on. You keep wondering about everything. I can't believe it. It's just... unbelievable. It's like something you never thought you were gonna do. At all. and you keep thinking, and thinking and all over again. You keep looking at the sky. the cold sky now. not clouded anymore. There's the moon. Full. The winter moon watching you like you are the only one in the world... all over the world. there are no crushing stars. And you keep wondering. You are not able to think. what's this? is it me? was it you? what is this bizarre feeling within. what's this?

dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me?
and dear my love, haven't you long to be free?

the everlasting music. the neverending dream. I cannot. I cannot not to stare at your eyes. I cannot... I cannot think. I cannot.

Im stupid. Im dumb. Im a moron trying to be rude.Im a shade of greens. Im not anymore. I have no colours. I have no sounds. I have no nothing. I can live. I cannot carry everything. what is this? what is this?

and I feel like running and running and runnig, wishing and wishing and looking for the path and looking at the sky and being angry and being mad and being so dead. So dead inside. So left. So nothing... so nothing again wherever Im able to stay. Wherever Im able to believe I am.

and dont. Im not. Im not here. You know where I am. Im not here.
nevertheless... ive no idea where I am.

i know i shouldnt be doing this... but this is getting even worse. like I told you... like i just told you 5 seconds ago. like ive told you since forever....

Kosmos

2008-10-06T14:28:00.005-04:00

"And I give you these wings

For when you need to fly.

For truth, for love and hope."

No no no... My cosmos is now at the sky. Where at noon the sun shines for me and where at night lights crush like glowworms. Is that same sky that sees me cry. That sees me wishing. Whishing that this moment last forever. I'm still praying... I'll be praying. I'll be praying for this morning. For that this morning lasts forever.

Moments lost though time remains

I am so proud of what we were

No pain remains, no feeling

Eternity awaits

Grant me wings that I might fly

My restless soul is longing

No pain remains, no feeling

Eternity awaits...

Wishes

2008-09-16T14:19:00.004-04:00

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight

I wish I may,

I wish I might

have the wish I wish tonight

We'll make a wish, and do as dreamers do

And all our wishes

all our wishes

will come true...

Nights now are more enlighted than ever. More then Stars, more than dreams, more than just a full moon following me miles away. More than every storm traveling the oceans. There are every night a firework enlighting and delighting my soul. But I cannot get out. I cannot get out of anywhere. I'm still elsewhere. I'm still thinking that I do not believe. Because I don't. Not anymore. Anyway, I'm still wishing. This is that every time I see that moon I think that is the same moon I've seen my whole life. That in some way I'm sharing it. I'm still sharing it. But I can't stand this. I can't keep thinking in things miles away. I can't stand the fact of knowing that everything I see is unexplainable. Is unreplyable. Nothing. There's no picture, no tape, no tale... no nothing able to tell what I see; what I feel. What I have felt. What I feel now. Now. In this precise second. Now that there's no more perfect things. Now, that I realise that there's nothing else. Nothing else whithin. nothing else between my smile and yours. Nothing else amongst my eyes and the fireworks in the sky. In the nightsky that rule night. The everlasting night. The warm night that I can't stand. No. Not anymore. I need. more than I need, I wish. More than I wish. I do not believe. That's it.

2008-08-11T14:21:00.002-04:00

Es súper simple, habla de la cotidianeidad.
Habla de lo que nadie ve; de eso no más.
Habla del paso de las personas por la vida.

El mundo es como un libro...

2008-08-05T10:07:00.002-04:00

y quien no viaja, conoce sólo la portada.

Me lo dijo mi hermana días antes de irse. Y creo que es muy cierto. Es genial pensar que en mi vida he tenido las pocas, pero magníficas, oportunidades de viajar y las he aprovecgado todas. Desde chico escuché decir que las ciudades se conocen caminando, que no hay nada mejor que viajar, que la mayoría de los viajes son sólo una vez (aunque ahora que lo pienso, discrepo un poco, pues tengo pocos años aún... podría volver) y doy gracias de haber adoptado todos esos comentarios. Si bien tengo una familia viajada (aviejada también, indeed xD) nunca pensé en conocer Europa antes de conocer el país donde vivo; cosa que sigue sin suceder. Y en realidad, digo esto no en pos de registrar mis aventuras ni menos intentar parecer más, pero para mí es una reflexión súper... profunda. Debo confesar que me da un poco de envidia pensar que en este momento mi hermana está disfrutando del primer mundo, tal como yo hace algunos años. Sin embargo, hay cosas que no se borran; no desaparecen. Nunca olvidaré los olores que sentí, ni los landscapes(?) que ví ni mucho menos todo lo que sentí estando allá.

Supongo que ver tantas fotos de viajes ajenos despertó algo en mí. E insisto, lo agradezco.

Es gracioso pensar ya, que ahora me toca a mí (de nuevo). Aunque estas no serán unas simples vacaciones. Ahora el paso es más grande, y el desafío que incluye, es lo que más me motiva a hacerlo. Hace 9 años que no me cambio de casa ni de ciudad. Llegué más lejos esta vez. Y no será una semana ni un mes... qué extraño pensarlo (y escribirlo), ni siquiera lo he asimilado aún.

En fin, two weeks left y yo enfermo en cama, tratando de imaginar como será. No más dulce patria. Dejaré (al fin) esta copia feliz del edén. Quizás a donde vaya a parar. Ahora sólo queda esperar.

one

2008-07-18T23:14:00.002-04:00

I love to countdown. Even more now. There's only one. But, this time I'm doomed. Even having one month left I can't start counting u.u

at least I loved my new gifts... and it seems everything's going rite. And I've been away for a few days. I took a breath...

2008-07-15T15:59:00.002-04:00

It doesn't feel like I'm abroad anymore.
I don't feel like I'm anywhere.
Like, at home I don't walk around thinking I'm in England.
I'm just there...

Path

2008-07-15T02:35:00.000-04:00

Road trippin with my two favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
It's time to leave this town
It's time to steal away
Let's go get lost

Yeah, there's a weird thing about roads. That melancholia arrives as I'd never got it before. Lites coming from the front. From where I'm going. where am I going to? Where am I coming from? And it's funny... those lites are always in the same place. The are always lighting the same place. Where am I going to? where?
Alone or not, the steamed up windows were a notebook. Just where I draw my thought. I wrote gritar, I remember. I did it twice, indeed. I draw a few other words. Can't remember well. I draw with the tip of my finger. And then those words cried down the window. Where did they go? Where did everything go? Then I realised that my entire mind-dict had became blank sheets. Blank, just like my eyes. And my stained soul thought as well, where has it gone? to the end? Did even left the beggining?

The best part of leaving, when you leave, is that in fact you are leaving. I colour blinded myself to the point of getting... getting blind at all. senseless. liteless.

I love the idea of being against of favouritisms. I hate them. I do not like more black than white. I can't be just one way. I can't stand being hard whether I haven't been smooth. I need grey. I need clouds. I do not need them, anyway. Thankfully, I've learned I do not need anything. I'll be just who I am. I've always been the same one. Counting the light posts in the highway. Wondering where's the moon. I hate to find myself with someone talking to me when I'm counting da posts in the highway. I hate tests. I hate yours. I hate mine. I hate to re-read what I've just wrote. I do not hate at all. I hate to do not hate. I love. I love to hear something within my ears. I love silence. There's just oxygen between love and hate.

I'd love to write this story over and over again. Like a book. Like a screenplay. Like a script. I'm not just a part of the plot. Thakfully, I'm not.

And I'm not part of anywhere. I do not belong to anywhere else. I'm part of my own flesh... wait... am I? And there's the phone ringing again and I won't pick up. I do not like to pick up the phone. That's we've got words. That's we've got our own linguistical mode to bleed our senses in an aeonic flux of silence. We do not need to write. We do not need to hear. We do not need to read; We can stare. Stare at a point. A tiny one. A cold one. That's why there're no warm colours in my world. There's no right. There's no wrong. There's no you. There's no anything besides me (As selfish as it sounds).

I'm real

We're always wallowed in something. Something between. Something right. Something wrong. There's no zero. There's no water. What is there then? what was there, then? What is there if we've found somewhere else? And if not? Where we are?

I'm Jack's wasted life

I'm not trying to seem a quick thinker nor a smart one. I'm not trying to find any answer. I stopped doin it long ago, and I'm grateful. This life would be unbearable. Unbearable like you being winter in summer. And I do not like more winter than summer. I prefer autumn. I prefer silence. And over all, I prefer this life over all my previous lives. I prefer me as I've created me over every me known before. I prefer you, over everything wrong in this world.

And there is always a new tube of ink waiting to br written. There always will be thousands of words to be spelled... as long as we spell them wrong sometime.

The heretic seal beyond divine
A prayer to a god who's deaf and bling
The last riles for souls on fire
Three little words and a question why?

I won't stop dreaming (about you) ♥

2008-07-13T22:46:00.006-04:00

You well know there's no words to say what's here in my soul.
It'll be better to look at you in the eyes and shut up. In you I trusted all my fears.
The world and its betrayal rest in your forgiveness and die in your desire.

I lost control and you calmed me. I felt pain and I discovered your willingness.
I left, I returned and you always embracing me, waking up your natural instinct.
I do not want to see you suffering. No, I do not want to see you down,
because I feel you far away...

You, who else than you, can dream and be happy with the way I am.
I can fly to reach you, specially whether you are here...

~

95

2008-06-12T22:50:00.002-04:00

Mi día había comenzado mucho antes de que el amanecer se viera a lo lejos de mi ventana. A cierta hora que no recuerdo, decidí darme el último baño y terminar de ordenar la habitación. La verdad es que no había dormido nada. Hace semanas que no lo hacía. No podía... estaba tan vacía la habitación que ya no parecía mía; y en efecto, así era.

Finalmente había llegado el día. ya toda mi vida estaba encerrada en par de maletas.

El día pasó inadvertido y al llegar la noche no quedaban ya muchas luces en la casa. Parecía muerta; las paredes estaban frías. También yo parecía muerto, con las manos más frías que nunca, inmerso en un lugar ajeno. Mañana sería todo distinto, pero no por eso mejor.

La luz de la vela era sólo un punto; ciertamente se acababa. Y se acababa lentamente, como todo. La tierra, mi tierra, se había salido completamente de su órbita y vagaba conmigo sin rumbo alguno. Me alejaba de pronto más y más del sol, que se había ido mucho antes de nuestro lado del océano. Y pensé entonces: No es la vida la que se apaga; hallé consuelo en la esperanza de confiar que alguien piadoso cuidará de mi ahora andante cadáver y de encontrar nuevamente el sol.

nights

2008-06-03T00:53:00.000-04:00

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up King and Parli'ment.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

[...]

2008-05-26T21:12:00.002-04:00

Today I'm wallowed in my own grief. I'm wallowed in shite. But, thankfully this is not stopping me and I know it won't. Today I realised that I reach a very high peak of this. And how wonderful it is. But however I'm still being me, and good or not, I'm still thinking too much. I insist...

I'm doing my best in storing everything in big boxes to use less of them and give a better use to the space. I'm not jumping from the 16º storey and clearly, I'm not running away from (nor to) anywhere else. I couldn't... I'm too numb rite now.

And even if I think it twice... I'm not that wallowed. But hey, I sing smiling... so it must be what Ich glaub. There's always a piano playing.-

Bleh, there's just one think I want, but it doesn't matter today, indeed...
Indeed...

2008-05-19T23:17:00.000-04:00

Indeed

[...]

2008-04-24T20:38:00.002-04:00

Tonight I've got no more words.

I just love you more than yesterday.

______

... And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned...

<3

Full Moon

2008-03-19T23:20:00.002-03:00

Tonight is a full moon night. Tonight is the night where I'm lying on myself. Tonight in when the day is over, gone... finished. At all. Nevertheless, between today and tonight are just a breath inside.
From the most sincere conversation till the most gloomy feelings within. I still feel that silence, uncomfortable like shite. I still feel... still.

wallowed in a smiling grief I'm getting the most solitary days ever. But I decided it.
(not really... not really...)

Hier kann nicht man stehen, they said.
Ich glaub noch... - I replied - Ich werd immer glauben... immer...

Tonight is a full moon night. Tonight... tonight... if only you were here tonight.
tonight when the moon is full... so fucking tonight.-

u.u

Today

2008-03-17T01:00:00.000-03:00

today. si, hoy es cuando mi día cambia de día. Y cuando es de noche, duermo de día. Y cuando es de día, lloro de noche. Hoy es cuando los vuelcos de la película precisan un intermedio. un momento ahí. Un lugar en el tiempo. Un sitio en donde las nubes de llevan hasta lo más lejos de la galaxia sólo para poder ver una mariposa desde las estrellas. Es hoy donde mi vida cambia un poco. En donde los silencios vuelven a ser incómodos. Cuando mirar al cielo es sólo para perderse en el cosmos sideral. Cuando llorar no es más que parte de reflejos de la psíquis. Si, es hoy cuando el tiempo sobra. El tiempo falta... El tiempo no es más que el ente villano de la segunda parte de la saga. Todo se remite a la película. Sin embargo... en el interludio sólo me detengo a escuchar la banda sonora. Los conjuntos de sonidos... las luces... los colores. Es hoy cuando más miedo tengo. Hoy cuando ya todo pasó. Si, miedo a las calles. Miedo al sol. Ya no quiero que llegue el otoño. Ya no quiero más a esta cuidad. Quizás, tengo miedo de esta ciudad que ya no me gusta. Es hoy cuando vuelvo a caminar solo por las noches. A beber solo en las profundidades de mi casa. Cuando ya no hay un refugio al cual correr cuando este piso se quiebra once or twice a week. Ya no hay noches infinitas ni luces transparentes. La resolana me supera más de lo normal...

Hoy. Hoy es el día en que empiezo otra vez. Donde la reinvención, en algún momento sugerida, llega sin invitación. Cuando el resto, voló. Voló al horizonte estelar. Y no hay sonidos nuevos en que refugiarse. Sólo hay mil y un canciones que cantar para sanar el alma. Para encontrar respuestas... para escribir nuevas preguntas en nuestro, si, nuestro libro que hoy también comenzamos a escribir. Together, as always...

2008-03-15T23:57:00.002-03:00

　「　居場所がほしいの、この町の中、一人にしないで　」

[...]

2008-02-22T18:23:00.000-03:00

The heretic seal beyond divine,
a prayer to god who's deaf and blind
The last rites for souls on fire,
three little words and a question why?

u.u

Umbra Sum

2008-02-17T01:47:00.003-03:00

And it seems like an endless skyway turned into black. Like black and grey. Like black and blue. And it is like a drop running down from the top. As if it were a pencil drawing an edge... a limit. A very thin separation. A nowhere place. or at least somewhere you do not know where you are. Just like between umbra and penumbra. Flying somehow from star to star... from light to light.

Maybe it's a conscience need. Maybe a colourful wall. A shiny mirror just in front of us... of me.-

there are so many songs filling my mind of dreams and reminiscences. Songs that turns on and off the machine. that opens a gate beyond myself... nevertheless they are always turning on and off themselves once and again, forever and ever.
Will that song stop someday...? today...? tomorrow...?
sometime...?

Collection

2008-01-27T11:45:00.000-03:00

I can still remember when I wanted to collect something. Something... ANYTHING. But every time I tried... it didn't work. In fact, I sucked collecting things. But, however the time went by, somehow I forgot about it. Then, thousand of moments after, I suddenly realised that I started collecting things many many years before.

And still... but... I still wonder to myself also, what will I do with everything I've collected?

nü

2008-01-14T00:33:00.000-03:00

long time ago. when the sun was just about to rise. when clouds were made of cotton. when the fresh air were as clean as your skin. when we were just awoken in our field of mint. when we hadn't got any memories... we were only holding hands looking at the sky. that sky... the new sky. pure. as blue as your heart. where the darkness went? - you asked. you asked it a long time ago, when there weren't sounds created. when they weren't used lights... used words... used sights. When angel wings weren't bruised nor restrained. and i can still remember your hair. your lips. like fresh wind blowing fast against us. like an infinite path beyond us. like an eternal love between us. and it was something new. maybe unknown. however, it was full. filling us in every little fibre of our corpses revived. like an act of light... of tenderness. and i can still remember when that little bird arrived. wonderful... powerful... free... trying to catch us to its endless trip to somewhere further. it had terrific wings made of perfect black feathers. it was singing. it was the first sound we heard together. like a new song. a classic. words falling to our head. what were we staring at? what were we thinking about? Where were we, when that new world was being built...? just there... we were actually building it.

sometimes, it feels like reminding the very first time that u listen to a song. a classic. an icon... something that describes it perfectly. something just like you.

~

2008-01-08T03:32:00.000-03:00

来られる;私達を僕の恋人行く許可しなす
永遠に去り、入りなす···

midnight champagne

2008-01-02T03:03:00.000-03:00

just like an instrumental song. regarding. speechless. saying cheers for yourself in complete silence. holding something on. wishing. dreaming. screaming like hell inside longing to run and to flee the faster possible. crying. reading unknown sounds in the air, just like singing. singing a new song. a song u've never heard before. something beating inside. something carving your core. giving shape.a call. eine erinnerung. like an eternal reminiscence of something fake. something dreamt. something longed. something aeonic. such an eternal landscape. a mint ice cream. a hug. now it's time to go. to sleep. maybe to dream. good night. sweet dreams in eternal realms for you.

HNY~ once again.-

2007-12-23T00:38:00.000-03:00

Even greater...

Sometimes

2007-12-17T20:14:00.000-03:00

I hate it. I hate to be so fking stupid. I can't do it. I can't. No puede pasar un segundo sin que escuche una puta canción en el fondo de mi memoria. tan consciente como la inconsciente. Tan exenta... I'd like to have been smarter. But I really thank, to have learned something I didn't know. no sé escribir. no se correr... no sé mirar. Hay tanto que no sé. ay tanto que quiero saber... hay tanto que quiero decir. But what for? ni siquiera... en verdad no sé como. Pero sé que las palabras dan lo mismo. no me importa. preferiría mirar. to stare... as clear as a spring blue sky. me gustaría saber tanto. Quiero ser inteligente. cada día más. quiero morirme ahora. Quiero volar, maybe I just want to vanish on time for all. Quiero escuchar tantas canciones. Quiero leer tantas palabras... quiero hablar tantos idiomas. Quiero estar en tantos lugar. quiero construir cada segundo que pasa. Quiero tanto y nada me importa. qué triste. y no espero nada. Preferiría no saber que sé. quizás no saber qué sé. no... en realidad no. No prefiero nada tampoco. me amo tanto. es genial estar enamorado de si mismo. quiero estar solo. Quiero caminar. quiero el mar. quiero que sea de noche. en realidad no quiero nada. fukaku, fukaku... ima mo... sou, aishiteiru. Gackt canta eso en este momento, pero me carga esa versión 7º night.

[...]
no se escribir, no se pensar, no se hablar, no se esconder, no se cantar, no se...
pero siento. Se sentir. Y me muero. Y vivo. y me recontruyo. me reinvento. Y camino. Y pienso. y no sé...

whatever, sometimes our tears... our tears do a lot of things.
if only i could spill them.

soy tan tonto... tan tonto.

merry-go-round

2007-12-13T12:27:00.000-03:00

It's not just an image in my mind. It's something I feel. Something I've lived... and still. However it comes, dunno how come it hurts. It's a feeling... something 'bout personality, something 'bout identity. 'bout everything we've passed through and we haven't done. Every place where we've been before without even get noticed. Every song we've heard before... Every song we've sung before.

Sadly, we won't be able to sing them again.

I Meow You

2007-12-01T09:29:00.001-03:00

Even greater than a cosmic constellation... I'd create a road made of stars to gather all the rays of the sun to fill up your room with light. Thus, even though the sun doesn't raise any more,
we could live in a perfect sweet darkness & we could save the light, hidden in a box, for when our eyes get tired to remember every daybreak we saw together.

And I would hold you in every moment; we are going to make with our own hands the dawn and the dusk to delight our hearts once & again...

[...]

2007-11-28T13:20:00.000-03:00

"Yes, Death. Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace & to be still for ever. You can help me. You can open for me the portals of Death's house, for Love is always with you, and Love is stronger than Death is."

Racoon

2007-11-26T20:55:00.000-03:00

Even anything is found inside of the other side of the delving colours. It's just about to eat them... to touch them... to feel them. Just then will I realise.

I saw him, but I didn't know who he was. I gathered a lot of little particles of an atom but I couldn't make the atomic bomb I wanted to make. I used to call them by its name, but some day they weren't there any more.

But however it gets at the end, it passes every 5 minutes just like a Sunday Underground service going straight to the centre of my soul. And it seems to be the end of the autumn. The end is the beginning is the end...

Just then will I realise...

Barist Deed

2007-11-21T17:13:00.000-03:00

Stage I: DONE

Stage II: PRAYING...!!

*0*

one hundred

2007-11-16T10:06:00.000-03:00

sometimes it feels like hell.
sometimes I don't understand.
Most of the times... I even don't know.

but what happens whan I get what I'm waiting?

The lightshine that blinds my eyes edges and guide to the unknown end. Like an aeonic lucid sopor taking me to the perfect underground station. Like the perfect mixture of smells and colours. Like a glittering key...
Like you.

Thus... thus I react. I realize that it isn't grey nor blue.
it is my sky. It is... eternity.

♥

_________________________________

[ This is my post nº 100 xD ]

...

2007-11-09T19:09:00.000-03:00

I don't want a silver leash. I don't want a a cheap playact. I don't want to see a fallen leaf from my ken. I don't want to hear a soundless slap. & it feels like hell. Like a Xmas song... like a winter season. Like the blue wind leaving my core. It pass just like the smell of wrath. Like sulphur... like silver.
So clear.
So wicked.
So not.

Y no quiero palabras leídas por exégesis. No quiero, no quiero... no quiero.
pero no puedo más que eso, esto y yo.

[ Grief is carried in grams... ]

A word

2007-11-05T21:16:00.000-03:00

A word is dead
when it is said
some say.
I say it just
begins to live
that day.-

♥

[ ʤʌst laɪk ̚ hevən ]

2007-10-30T20:19:00.000-03:00

[ ʃəʊ mɪ hau juː duː ðæt ̚ ˈtʰɹ̝̥ɪk̚
ðə wʌn̪ ðət̚ meɪks mɪ skɹiːm | ʃɪ sed
ən̪ ɵɾuː hɜː ɾ ɑːmz əˈɹaund ̚maɪ nek ̚ |
ʃəʊ mɪ hau juː duː ɪt ̚
ən aɪ ˈpʰɹ̝̥ɒmɪs juː aɪ ˈpʰɹ̝̥ɒmɪs ðət ̚
aɪɫ ɹʌn əˈweɪ wɪð juː ]

[ ˈspɪnɪŋ ɒn̪ ðæt ̚ dɪzɪ eʤ
aɪ ˈcʰɪst ̚ ɜː feɪs ənd ̚ˈcʰɪst ɜː hed ̚
ənd ̚ ˈdɹ̝iːmd əv ɔːɫ ðət ̚ ˈdɪfɹənt ̚ weɪz aɪ hæd
tə meɪk ɜː gləʊ |
waɪ ɑː juː səʊ fɑː ɾ əˈweɪ | ʃɪ sed
waɪ wɒnt ̑ʃuː ˈevə nəʊ ə aɪm ɪn lʌv wɪð juː ]

[ juː | sɒft ənd ̚ ˈəʊnlɪ
juː | læst ənd ̚ ˈləʊnlɪ
juː | ˈstɹ̝̥eɪŋ̘ʤ əz ˈeɪŋ̘ʤəɫz
ˈtw̥ɪstɪŋ ɪn̪ ðə ˈwɔːtə
jɔː ˈʤʌst ̚ laɪk ə ˈdɹ̝iːm]

[ ˈdəɪlaɪt lɪk ̚ mɪ ˈɪntə ʃeɪp ̚
aɪ mʌst ̚ həv ̑biːn əˈsliːp ̚ fɔː deɪz
ənd ̚ muːvɪŋ lipz tə bɹ̝iːð ɜː neɪm
aɪ ˈəʊpənd ̚ ʌp maɪ aɪz
ənd ̚ faʊnd ̚ maɪself əˈləʊ əˈləʊ
əˈləʊ ʌˈbʌv ə ˈɹeɪʤɪŋ siː
ðət ̚ ˈstəʊɫ ðɪ ˈəʊnlɪ gɜːl aɪ lʌvd
ənd ̚ ˈdɹ̝əʊnd hɜː diːp ɪnˈsaɪd əv mɪ ]

[ juː | sɒft ənd ̚ ˈəʊnlɪ
juː | læst ənd ̚ ˈləʊnlɪ
juː | ʤʌst laɪk ̚ hevən ]

[ aɪ lʌv juː ]

...

2007-10-29T20:53:00.000-03:00

Il sole lontanissimo
La poca luce che conservo per scaldare le memorie che ho di te
Plutone mi sorprende
E vago nell’oscurità di ghiaccio cristallino fermo in questa eternità...

2007-10-22T21:38:00.000-03:00

December 20, 1933

PAIN

With heavy heart and constant sights
I listen to the sound of nothing passing by.
I feel (...) detached from life...

My mind was in blank...

[...]

Oda a la ida del ido(huido)

2007-10-21T21:04:00.000-03:00

Caminas frente a mi

y no lo sabes

los pensamientos gastados

profundamente usados

ya no están,

parece que se van

contigo.

Pareces desaparecer como la niebla

ya no puedo verte

pero tu aroma marca

el camino que dejas

mientras vuela.

Tus olores me envuelven

esos mismos que ahora

veo a lo lejos.

Sólo me queda el

aura de tu andar

y la estela que tus pasos dejan

mientras observo

como te vas.

El atardecer ya no es dulce

todo lo que quería yace y luce

muerto ante nuestri escenario

fugaz.

Con el tiempo me sigues dejando

aún creo poder ver tu pupila

conexa con la mía.

Al fin te encuentro

pero en el concreto momento

veo que eres quien no eras

y nace el descontento.

Vienes y vas

como una batahola de sentimientos

ya no se que hacer

y sufro por el hecho

me cuestiono y me confundo

ahora el que deja el mundo

soy yo.

Te amo... Te odio... Adiós...

___________________________________________________________________________-

es tan extraño encontrar escritos del pasado. pero es tan lindo recordar...
y por las weás que encontré esto xD
Dic. 2005

♥

2007-10-21T01:08:00.000-03:00

- Ohh~ Que late fuerte tu corazón.

- Pasa sólo cuando me abrazas...

/ ˈɪkəʴəs /

2007-10-18T19:29:00.000-03:00

Black engulfs the dying light as he falls on frail wings of vanity and wax
[...]

/ ˈstændiŋ /

2007-10-16T23:24:00.000-03:00

[ ənd ̚ ˈfaɪtɪŋ tʰaɪm | səʊ mʌtʃ ai æsk̚ ||
ai wiɫ ðis ˈmɔːniŋ lɑːst̚ fɔː ɾ evə ]

♥

Hey you

2007-10-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, just in case. I was wonderin' what if I could know what is up there in their minds. Just lik'a mirror... As a piece of glass made of their eyes. Deep or dark or clear or shy.

& no matter how much I stare to them. No matter how much I think about them... however I admire them they're gonna be away.

But, however, weirdly, it feels wonderful to keep some kind of wish in the very front of your mind. Like a forbidden desire become a secret love. But it clearly isn't LOVE. It's... passing fixation?
It's just they are so shining, so quiet... so fucking cute!

And however they walk everyday at my side we're simply strangers...
I believe that I'd love to contact them (even if I think that I did it already) but they are just wind in da ground. (and sadly, this story would be finished)

2007-10-09T23:02:00.000-04:00

Y mañana no tendré qué ponerme tampoco.

era demasiado

2007-10-07T20:39:00.000-04:00

And I give you these wings
For when you need to fly.
For truth, for love and hope.

I'm the happiest one,
and I'll be forever.-

ø

2007-10-04T21:56:00.000-04:00

Before that projection of the self nothing exists; not even in the heaven of intelligence: man will only attain existence when he is what he purposes to be.

not even in the heaven of intelligence...
not even in the heaven of intelligence...
not even in the heaven of intelligence...

Not even in the heaven of intelligence
[...]

Vindauga (Das Auge des Windes)

2007-09-24T02:06:00.000-04:00

[ eagþyrl ]

The wind was striking in his face so hard just like strong colours dazzle and blind the eye of the dreamer.

He got into the house. It was quiet, empty, silent and safe...
But he wondered why to feel unsafe touching that charming wind? why to run away if he knows that wind is the running air trying to catch us? That air that we breathe... that we share... that we drink... that we see...
That wind that take us to the highest place in the entirely earth... our dreams.

He turned around and walked to the window. He saw that the sea was bluer than before, that the sun was more shining that one second ago. He realized that the wind was blowing faster too just because there were a lot of flowers flying free outside. He got delighted. He wanted to fly too. He wanted the wind to take him to the end of the sky where angels live dressed in black. He wanted to be an angel... He wanted to fly free.

Then, suddenly, he reacted by inertia and opened up the glass door. He closed his eyes...

His heartbeat was overjoyed, but when he opened his eyes again... everything was exactly like the beginning. The sun was shining over the soundless sea. And the wind... the wind was blowing through his hands... again.

However the air is disguised, from the atom that we breath till the tornado that we're fleeing away or the vortex of the cyclone there will be always a window to open or to close.

Personally, I('d) prefer to even don't get into the house.
[...]

.

2007-09-19T18:57:00.000-04:00

I Am Jack's Broken Heart.

( thank you ♥ )

野に咲く花のように

2007-08-12T21:26:00.000-04:00

y si miro hacia el cielo.... servirá?

u__u

Schnee und mein Herz

2007-08-09T02:36:00.000-04:00

Cómo en la mitad de la noche caen a la tierra imágenes que vienen a iluminar mi corazón cuando lo único que quiero es irme de aquí... ¿cómo?

Para mi, cada copo de nieve es como un ser. Si fuesen personas, querría conocer a uno. Pero así como con las personas no podría con él. They just arrive bringing with them a new light in this night... pero cuando los toco se desintegran... Los desintegro.

I Miss You

2007-08-08T10:50:00.000-04:00

En verdad, parece esto cualquier cosa. Y de hecho me cuesta empezar por lo mismo. Pues, se ha ido. Mi capacidad de escribir se fue y junto con ella un sinnúmero de otras facultades. Y es triste, pues aunque pueda seguir escribiendo todas las palabras del mundo en un papel ya no sirve de nada. Y aunque tenga o no tenga el cómo expresarme es el escribir lo que me mantiene, muchas de las veces, conectado (o más bien, entendido) de mis propios pensamientos y por qué no de mi mismo. Pero aunque escriba todo lo que pueda escribir y aquello pueda tener todas las acepciones posibles nunca se lee lo que de verdad quiero decir. He ahí mi cuestionamiento. ¿Dónde está…? ¿Dónde está eso que quiero decir? Quizás detrás del papel… quizás entre las líneas…Quizás. Qué triste quedarse en el condicional siendo casi obvio que yo, y nadie más que yo debe/tiene que saberlo.
Sin embargo no me frustro. Es sólo algo faltante pero nada vital como el por lo menos pensarlo, pero después de tantos estudios de comunicación es complicado esto de no poder decir.

Pero supongo que ya algo sabré. Saber que hacer, saber que pensar, saber donde ir… cualquier cosa. Quizás [Oh Jesus Christ!] todo se remite a saber o no saber; entender o no entender. Pero después de todo… everything seems to be the same damn thing. Como que todo se logra conjugar muy muy bien. Y parece una cosa ser la quasi respuesta de lo otro.

Y es ahí donde el hecho de estar se vuelve interesante. Y aunque sea lo peor del mundo y sea como tener algo, lo más preciado, pudriéndose (incluso putrefacto) en tu mano, ahí, inmóvil, inerte y tú sin poder hacer mucho. Y realmente sin poder hacer nada. Te supera.

Y escapar se vuelve dulce. No por dejar la responsabilidad de lado ni por no afrontar lo que te corresponde, sino por que lo más probable (pues sigues sin saberlo) sea que no hay tales cosas y el apretar refresh se transforma en opción. Nevertheless, nunca termino haciéndolo. Y no lucidamente… creo que, en una de esas, subconscientemente es más íntegro quedarse. Lo que no quita que siempre sea más chori escapar.

Y aunque me quede con nada, supongo que quedarse está dentro de lo estándar. Como le decía anoche a Blacki. Estándar, como la decepción. Y con esto es no esperar nada became algo lógico; que sin comprobaciones ni demostraciones es algo lógico. Y lo mejor es que no se trata de omitir. Todo sigue estando ahí… el asunto es separar el quiero (con todos sus verbos amigos: necesito, deseo, anhelo, etc.) y esperar.

Y no tengo. No tengo todo lo que quiero o todo lo que podría querer, lo que subjetivamente necesito y todo lo que mi corazón querría tener no es lo que está en la lista de esperanzas. Y aunque pueda ser tildado como un puto mecanismo de defensa para mi no lo es porque reitero, no se trata de omitir.

La parte triste es que todo esto (y creo que todo en general) evoluciona de algo decepcionante, coartante oder etwas mag das. Entonces existe ahí un proceso que no logro entender muy bien. Es como obtener, procesar, aceptar y seguir. No sé… es raro.

Y quizás vale más la pena saber adonde quiero salir corriendo ahora mismo, saber a quien quiero llegar, a quien quiero extrañar, a quien quiero o por qué quiero llorar sin siguiendo poder efectivamente salir corriendo, extrañar, tener o llorar sin necesitar hacerlo ni esperar a que pase por default que no hacer ni tener nada. Supongo que vale la pena tener.

Y por si acaso… no, ya no espero nada… nada más… anymore.

Facts became memories; memories became history…
/ ˡhɪstərɪ bɪˡkeɪm ˡledʒənd | ˡledʒənd bɪˡkeɪm mɪθ |

Y es triste… hay tanto que quiero y quice decir que aún leyendo todo esto… no lo encuentro por ninguna parte… I would hold you right now…
[...]

Inside II

2007-08-07T22:10:00.000-04:00

Descubrí que la versión en inglés es más linda [obviamente].

What definition can be given of spirits?

"Spirits may be defined as the intelligent beings of the creation. They constitute the population of the universe, in contradistinction to the forms of the material world."
NOTE. The word spirit is here employed to designate the individuality of extra-corporeal beings, and not the universal intelligent element.

Do the beings whom we call angels, archangels, seraphim, form a special category of anature different from that of other spirits?

"No; the spirits who have purified themselves from all imperfection, have reached the highest degree of the scale of progress, and united in themselves all species of perfection."
The word angel is generally supposed to imply the idea of moral perfection but it is often applied, nevertheless, to all beings, good or bad, beyond the pale of humanity. we say, "a good angel" "a bad angel," "an angel of light," "the angel of darkness," etc. In those cases, it is synonymous with spirit or genius. It is employed here in its highest sense.

What is the soul?

"An incarnate spirit."
- What was the soul before its union with a body?
"A spirit."
- Souls and spirits are, then, the very same thing?
"Yes; souls are only spirits. Before uniting itself with a body, the soul is one of the intelligent beings who people the invisible world, and who temporarily assume a fleshly body in order to effect their purification and enlightenment."

Could two beings, who have already known and loved each other, meet again and recognise one another, in another corporeal existence?

"They could not recognise one another; but they might be attracted to each other. The attraction resulting from the ties of a former existence is often the cause of the most intimate affectional unions of a subsequent existence. It often happens in your world that two persons are drawn together by circumstances which appear to be merely fortuitous, but which are really due to the attraction exercised upon one another by two spirits who are unconsciously seeking each other amidst the crowds by whom they are surrounded.”

[...]

Inside

2007-08-06T21:50:00.000-04:00

¿Qué definición puede darse de los Espíritus?

– Puede decirse que los Espíritus son los seres inteligentes de
la Creación. Pueblan el Universo fuera del mundo material.
NOTA: Se emplea aquí la palabra Espíritu para designar a las
individualidades de los seres extracorporales y no al elemento inteligente
universal.

Los seres a quienes llamamos ángeles, arcángeles y
serafines, ¿forman una categoría especial de diferente naturaleza que
los otros Espíritus?

– No; son los Espíritus puros, los que están en lo más alto de la
escala y reúnen todas las perfecciones.
La palabra ángel revela generalmente la idea de la perfección moral;
pero, se aplica con frecuencia a todos los seres buenos y malos que están fuera
de la Humanidad. Así se dice: el ángel bueno y el ángel malo, ángel de luz y
ángel de tinieblas. En este caso es sinónimo de Espíritu o genio. Nosotros la
tomamos aquí en su acepción buena.

¿Qué es el alma?

– Un Espíritu encarnado.
– ¿Qué era el alma antes de unirse al cuerpo?
– Espíritu.
– ¿Las almas y los Espíritus son, pues, idénticamente la misma
cosa?
– Sí, las almas no son más que Espíritus. Antes de unirse al
cuerpo, el alma es uno de los seres inteligentes que pueblan el mundo
invisible y que se revisten temporalmente de una envoltura carnal
para purificarse e ilustrarse.

Dos seres que se conocen y se aman, ¿pueden volverse a
encontrar en una nueva existencia corporal y reconocerse?

– Reconocerse, no; pero sentirse atraídos mutuamente, sí. Con
frecuencia, esas relaciones íntimas, fundadas en un afecto sincero,
no tienen otra causa. Dos seres se aproximan, uno al otro, por
circunstancias aparentemente fortuitas, pero que son de hecho el
resultado de la atracción de dos Espíritus que se buscan en la multitud...

[...]

Sterne

2007-08-02T22:13:00.000-04:00

Supongo que las estrellas no siempre se llevan tus deseos... ninguno de ellos.

no... none of them.

2007-07-31T05:46:00.000-04:00

and even if I don't have a quest I feel that I have so many things to do.

Sorry for not being so so cool.

色褪せぬ心

2007-07-31T01:42:00.000-04:00

It's hard to explain what does exactly it feels. Like wanna run. Like wanna scream... like wanna flee with some things inside me. But after all it isn't what I want. Don't wanna run and don't wanna scream... exactly. Oh Jesus Christ... arg!

But, anyway, I think it is like... like scheiße. =)
However, it seems like there are so many things I have to do. But I can't. I really can't. So one way or another I'll have to wait till those things... get done.

By the time I knew, I was born
Reason or quest, not being told
What do I do, What should I take
Words "God Only Knows" won't work for me
Nothing starts Nothing ends in this city
Exists only sever lonesome and cruel reality
But still I search for light
I am the trigger, I choose my final way
Whether I bloom or fall, is up to me
I am the trigger
[me acordé de esa cancion =/]

And even when it looks tired... my heart doesn't change.
and even if I'm broken...
I still want to hold you high... and steal your pain. ♪

2007-07-30T13:46:00.001-04:00

I want to hold you high and steal your pain.

u.u

2007-07-25T16:22:00.000-04:00

"Nada se engloba. nada se comprende en lo previo o lo otro. Nada sufre la arrogancia que desdice a lo diferente o lo anula sin el menor escrúpulo, como si las precencias que este encendiera en su oportuno aparecer, fueran el más anodino, el más nimio de los objetos"

Salió en mi exámen de español [k9]
y me gustó.

Bitte...

2007-07-23T21:56:00.001-04:00

In meinem Blut werfen die Endorphine Blasen
Wenn hinter deinen stillen Hasenaugen die Gedanken rasen.

Puzzle II

2007-07-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

k9.-

Tuvo muy mala recepción mi comentario del Puzzle. Ven? por eso los odio.
en fin, no me retracto del comentario.

esto no es más que una aclaración.

I love and I don't make puzzles!
=D

listenin to:
♪ how wonderful life is now you're in da world ♪
(L)

Puzzle

2007-07-21T00:47:00.000-04:00

Puzzles are the most unkind game I've ever known. But I know how cool is to have the one last piece and to put it in its place. To have the final image in front of you and to smile up.
It seems that life's like that. I really dunno, but you have something [/'samsin/] like a master plan and you find that last piece you needed... It feels like have completed a part of that fucking master puzzle.

D:

but all of us should be careful to don't break down da puzzle.

D:

(L)
y entre puzle y puzle y entre risas, cantos, limones y supermercados me perdí.
*0*

I'm delighted w/ every word I remember
(L)

2007-07-19T22:48:00.000-04:00

I'd prefer to die to live & write the story.-

In every song you sing, I'll be singing by your side.
♪

Blind

2007-07-18T19:40:00.000-04:00

"No podría ser ciego... No podría no poder mirarte."

2007-07-18T18:47:00.000-04:00

& now I think where the hell I left them.
Surely I forgot them somewhere,
isn't it?

Wouldn't it be great?

2007-07-18T12:34:00.000-04:00

　「　ありのままの僕を代わらない思いを伝えられる野に　」

2007-07-18T00:33:00.000-04:00

"μαί γάρ ισωζ χαί μάλιστα
πρέπει μέλλοντα έχεισε άποσημειν
διασχοπειν τε χαί"

There you have...
auspiciado por Seba.-

2007-07-17T11:52:00.000-04:00

"Es más,
tal vez sea lo mejor para el que está a punto de emigrar,
allá el recapacitar."

I let myself to hesitate
=/

I lost da original greek text.
u.u

2007-07-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

We'll crucify the insincere tonight
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight

The indescribable moments of your life tonight

The impossible is possible tonight

Believe in me as I believe in you...
tonight

u.u

2007-07-16T20:18:00.000-04:00

I'd love to reach what I think. To get what want. And to know what I don't. But thankfully I can survive without it. I have done it all my life.
And, I have never done totally what I want but, something happened then that I did not intend... (H)

I got empty.-
[thnx for being there/here for me]

Crescent

2007-07-15T12:38:00.000-04:00

光の中で見た幼い記憶は
音のない笑顔さえ今は嬉しくて
二度と戻れないあの頃にも
僕たちは微笑っていた

Debo confesar que tenía miedo. Temía de volver a escuchar música. Y no sé por qué. Como si dañara. La música es vida... por algo tengo un blog de canciones importantes *0*

Y no hay nada mejor que escuchar esos sonidos que rebotan en tu ser como ecos de cada respiro. No hay ningún disco que ame más. Me fascina esa conexión mística entre canción y canción. Ese conjunto de sentimientos... desde los demonios que nos rodean, hasta el sol de la mañana que ilumina cada esperanza y hace cada uno de nuestros días que nuestra vida renazca de nuevo. Cada sueño que uno persigue, y cada meta que se propone. Cada pena que está en nuestra alma... y cada rastro de amor que hay dentro de nosotros.

Y si bien tenía miedo, nunca tuve miedo de sentir lo que siento ahora. De sentir lo que siento cuando escucho cada una de esas canciones. Y me pasa poco que un disco entero me cautive. Es por eso que esta es la única excepción.

Desde pequeño tuve cierta obsesión con la luna. Me encantaba cuando iba en el auto de noche ir mirándola. Y pensar que ella siempre me seguía. Parecía que fuese siemrpe adonde yo. Siempre pensé que me amaba. Y aún...
La luna siempre está con nosotros. Incluso en aquellas noches de profunda bruma que abraza nuestros sueños. Ahi está. Mirándonos... sonriéndonos.
Y ahora, años después, sigo mirando la luna todas las noches. Mirándola cuando voy en el auto... Y pidiendole cada día, que vuelva la siguiente noche, para contarle lo que pasó mientras ella descansaba.

Y nunca olvides que cada precioso día tu amor me consuela y salva mi alma.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

From Crescent:

眠れない夜もため息の朝も
君の大好きな月の詩を···

Sarari Nite

2007-07-14T23:34:00.000-04:00

Hace mucho que no estaba un sabado por la noche en mi casa. mucho, quizás meses. Y la incertidumbre que siento es inmensa y quizás indescriptible. Todo lo que siento se remite a unos puntos suspensivos entre corchetes, esos que significan suspension limitada. he estado mucho tiempo sentado mirando como la barrita del Winamp se mueve. Y he escuchado la misma canción hace horas. y lo haría toda la noche.

Hace mucho tiempo que no sentía esto... si, esto. Aunque no sepa que es.
Supongo que dormiré. Pero mi corazón está apretado. Como... inmóvil.

tengo... tengo mucho dentro aún que no puede salir. O que hoy no salió.
está ahí adentro... pidiendo a gritos una explicación.
Y lo siento, pero no la tengo.-

Creo que no lo merezco, pero lo asumiré.
Hay tanto que quiero decir, pero no sé qué.
Hay tanto que siento, pero no sé qué.
hay tanto...
que por esta noche, se queda conmigo.

[...]

______________________

Emotional Vampire

New House

20 years

Mis Amigas

Ago

Pathetic

[...]

Where there is light···

:(

The road not taken

[...]

=)

[...]

What I('ve) learnt from you

[...]

Water drops would be tears if water was salty.

What makes you shine?

[...]

Letter for Anthony

This could be the start of something...

An endless love song

Mute

[...]

come what may

Kosmos

Wishes

El mundo es como un libro...

one

Path

95

nights

[...]

[...]

Full Moon

Today

[...]

Umbra Sum

Collection

nü

~

midnight champagne

Sometimes

merry-go-round

I Meow You

[...]

Racoon

Barist Deed

one hundred

...

A word

[ ʤʌst laɪk ̚ hevən ]

...

Oda a la ida del ido(huido)

♥

/ ˈɪkəʴəs /

/ ˈstændiŋ /

Hey you

ø

Vindauga (Das Auge des Windes)

.

野に咲く花のように

Schnee und mein Herz

I Miss You

Inside II

Inside

Sterne

色褪せぬ心

Bitte...

Puzzle II

Puzzle

Blind

Wouldn't it be great?

Crescent

Sarari Nite

吹き寄せる青い風···